who wants to carve and existance with me

I posted this over a year ago to my blog ranting about how much I hated beign single.


I am sharing it here *shurgs * I don't know. In case someone, someday..read's my ramble's.

Saturday Evening after very confusing a dispute with a close personal friend at Wicked.I stayed up til 5am sorta just...staring at my walls and disparaging in my loneliness. And I realized breifly....



I fucking hate being single.

All of my relationship archetypes I envision are ones where I can just be stupid and young. Sleep in naked under the sheets in the morning sun, stay up late, get up early, "learn how our bodies work," dream together, fail together, and build a life together. Is that too much to ask?

I just want someone who has the same vibrant and beautiful aspirations, someone who can appreciate my darkly sexual side and my passionate romanticism, my youthful emotions and self discovery, who carries a dictionary vocabulary, style with a capital S, and I want someone who knows we live in amazing time period.

Someone self aware, who knows what self realization is and is working for it. Someone who is as lost as I am. Someone who doesnt care that I'm whiny, Im geeky, self loathing, that I hate organized religion, that I hate the smell of cigarettes but I love the smell of vanilla, that I'm moved by flowers, that I cry a lot, that Im far from fucking perfect but I make a beautiful disaster, that I have sexual binges, that I'm obsessive compulsive and neurotic but yet I can let all kinds of stuff slide cuz I'm compassionate or just damn lazy, that I'll listen to emo songs ad nasueum, that I swear like a sailor and love wierd, fucked up movies,write constantly, think far too deeply for far too long that I love Farmer's markets and museums, that I can waste hours playing video games and not give a shit, and yet through of all that...still loves me.

I just want someone who's self confident, who loves the person they are because they know I love them, who doesn't give a shit that we are making out in a 5 star restaurant and people are watching, someone who listens to shitty music and hates yet loves the world all the same with me, who wants to carve and existance with me that other people can read about and stare in envy and amazement. Someone who will grow old with me and at 80, we can still play Halo 2 on a game port and drink wine while laughing about all the wierd shit we did as kids. Someone who only shaves every few days cuz he knows I find his stubble strangely sexy, someone who actually wants to marry me and knows im a nut case and doesn't seem to notice one bit. Someone whos fiscally responsible and educated, but doesnt mind paying for something of quality.

Someone strong emotionally and physically, but given to his own moments of vulnerability and shows himself to me. Someone who makes me want to live all the more because being with them makes life seem inifinitely better. Someone who loves Spoken word but isnt a rapper. Looks deeper into the situation, but ins't a philospher.I want someone generational.

I want someone who understands this and me...because It's them.

But maybe that's just too much to ask for...







The somple reality of it all

"who wants to carve and existance with me "