I am more then I am allowed

13 days....

13 days i get to be a wife for 3 days

I get to feel like a matter in my husband eyes for a few days and feel devoid til December til I see him yet again for maybe 3 days once more....





I have had a few relationships .Only 2 started them long distance.



Only one of them (current one) transitioned to being in-person (after about a year dating )I stated to my then friend( now husband) developing into a lover/BF I can not allow myself to get involved in a LDR .In my opinion, the longer a relationship goes without some form of in-person component , the more the relationship becomes about your fantasy of your relationship than about the real person who is your partner.You aren't interacting with their in-person quirks and annoyances, things like that. You're idealizing them, and they're idealizing you. The person you're falling in love with: that idealized version of your partner, no tthe real person who is your partner .



For that reason, I have a rule: if there isn't a concrete solution to why you're separated in the first place within 6 months, then it's never going to be a real relationship. That doesn't mean it wont last for a while, it means it wont ever be a serious life-partner type relationship.I also stated to my husband before marriage I won't do LDR we either make this work or we don't do it at all. I won't be a LD wife/gf/lover to anyone. I've waited my entire life for completeness, security, the wholeness of a 'family" component being isolated and separated just makes me worse.



That said ... that doesn't mean you can't have a successful long distance relationship .It just means you have to recognize the different aspects for what they are, and address them for what they are. Either I'm your full time wife or I'm some girl you're screwing hundreds of miles away. Take your pick so I know where I stand.

Frustrated

My husband never talks about the little things about life. I feel like big chunks of his life are a mystery to me. If wanted to know what he did on a daily basis: what he ate, where he slept, what his leisure time was like. He thought all of that was too boring to share, so I have to drag details out of him. Usually I get one-word answers. I eventually will give up trying to picture what his life is like while he's downrange.

I blogged about this not long ago and two comments come to mind. He can picture me sitting at my desk, eating in my kitchen, doing my hair in the bathroom because these are familiar things, so he has a visual. For me, I have no visual, so unless he sends tons of video/photos I have nothing to help me "see" what he's doing, so I ask questions - 'whats the chow hall like?" "what are you eating?" "how are the bathrooms?" "describe your room.". When I have to frame of reference my mind tries to create ones, which if left to it own accord will be drawn by fears and insecurities.

The second comment that comes to mind is friend that replied, "Sounds like your husband 'forgot to unpack his adjectives'. Which totally crack's me up.

I love him dearly though.