Many eggs may be lost in the struggle

Eggs are a great breakfast food aren't they? It's a pity about the cholesterol but they are pretty tasty to have now and again. I like the Egg McMuffin because of the round chunk of egg inside them, I like soft boiled eggs and dipping my toast into the golden yoke and I like the allure of the poached egg with its yoke veiled in a long white dress.

Going back to the McMuffin, how do they get the egg perfect like that everytime? Is it that they buy them frozen like that and just reheat them or are they actually cooked on the premises? I don't know. Well, now you know I like eggs but I also like gadgets. OK, so now put the two together and you have Egg-Gadgets, that's right and I'm up for a cheap gagdet now and then.


Well, I kept the instruction on the card and put the device away until I required an egg next. Not for several weeks I have to say and by that time I'm sorry to say that the instructions were nowhere to be found. "I have it!" I shout, running like a possessed geek to the computer "t'net will 'ave it" (for suddenly I've adopted a Northern accent) and into Google I do type "microwave egg poacher instructions" and there I do find some instructions. 4.5 minutes on a 600 watt microwave at 50 per cent power. My stomach is rumbling really bad because last time I ate was lunchtime and it's going dinner time now


So now I'm well up for some egg to go with the garlic toastI'm cooking in the oven (that are just almost cooked). So I make some quick calculations in my head: I have an 800 watt oven.( or was it 1800 watt, Oh no all these numbers) I have no idea what formula I should use to calculate this but like every idoit who doesn't know how to program their own vcr much less their microwave I authoritatively dial in the first number that comes into my head (3mins 30 sec) pretending there is some scientific pretext.

I stand proud. On goes the light, round goes the turntable and my stomach shouts "FOOD!". I think to get a plate, take the toast out of the oven and arrange them (leaving a nice roundish shape for my lovely well-formed egg disk to go into). "I think I'll just..." BOOM KAPOW! Oh no! Egg disaster! Egg Alert. Egg Alert. Egg Alert. We have an egg down. Repeat. We have an egg down. Well not so much down as spread, all over the inside of the microwave. I reach into the blast zone and retrieve a fragment of yoke "Do you think it'll be edible?" I ask my unlooking 10 year old son, who has that raised eyebrow that says "I told you so" and my mother is a tard look.. I did eat some egg at least. Shame about the timing. I've got to get that right. Many eggs may be lost in the struggle but I'm gonna do it, damn it!


NOTE: the actual time is 30 seconds, not 3mins 30 sec. I may just have saved your eggs today! *bows* this has been a public service announcement